Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
