That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
