I want to walk on stilts...naked
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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