a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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