Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
