OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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