Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
