oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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