i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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