You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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