If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
God, I missed his penis.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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