If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
