i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
