last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
