I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
