Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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