Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
