yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
