i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
