All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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