Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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