So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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