For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
