Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
