and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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