Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
