we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
