but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
