Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
