my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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