i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
