he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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