but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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