Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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