Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
