I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
