Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
