We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
