Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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