Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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