I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
