Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my shit smells like andre
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
