U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
