I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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