i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
