Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All the doctor said was why
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
