At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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