I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
