my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
