dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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