nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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