Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
