ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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