these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Randomize
