This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
