There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
