I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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