i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
