Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
