it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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