3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
