i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
