Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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