he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize