I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there was a trapeze. enough said
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
