I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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