this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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