I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
