That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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