Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
