I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
