So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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