I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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