Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
