from now on my penis is your penis
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
