awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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